As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step.
Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically:
"Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently.
"I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant.
The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"
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A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
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In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.
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Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
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So, Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.
"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief.
He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".
"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"
Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"
A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change.
On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.
Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
"If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.
If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.
Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
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How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
"Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.
The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands.
The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said.
In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”.
The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! ”