Joke #11497

When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.
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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.
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You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
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You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.
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When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
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Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
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If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
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Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.
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Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
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"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? Ive been married to one of those for years!"
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After twelve years of carrying books to school, you're well prepared for a career in backpacking.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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