Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
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Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!
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Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff.
His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air.
Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.
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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza:
Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread"
Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!"
Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore.
Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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The cake is a lie, Chuck Norris is THE TRUTH.
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First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!"
Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people."
First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
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