Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
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Chuck Norris invented hot sauce.
To put on his peppers.
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Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die?
A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
What are Women Really Thinking?
So many men, so few who can afford me.
Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?
And your point is?
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
There was three Mexicans walking down the street when three old white guys approached them. The first white man said:
Whats up wet backs.
The first mexican said:
I am not wet, I am just greasy from stealing car parts.
The second old man said:
What the hells that smell, smells like beanery.
The second Mexican replies:
It don't smell like beanery, we just got back from taco bell.
The third mexican says:
YaYA, amigo, we just got back from Taco Bell.
The third white guys says:
I was talking to the bean, not the whole damn burrito.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.
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A boy is selling fish on a corner.
To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"
A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'"
The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."
The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish.
The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way."
He explains to her why they are dam fish.
Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish.
He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf?
A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs.
Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
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