Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
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Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!
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Q: Why did Hitler hate golf?
A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf."
The doctor answers, "Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
The man goes home and tries it out.
He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?"
He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
"Honey, what’s for dinner?"
Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers,
"For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!"
Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway?
A: Because its underground.
Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes.
One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.
"We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners.
They eat their fill and leave.
The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
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Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession?
A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.