Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
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I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.
Hipsters hate rivers.
Too mainstream.
A preacher's wife goes to the butcher.
The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham.
The preacher's wife is shocked.
The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.
That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?"
His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher.
The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home.
She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo.
At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham."
The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was escaping from K.F.C.
An old man and a young man work together in an office.
The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
"Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.