Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
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Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
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During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide.
Teacher tries to make a joke: "Johnny, don't swallow me."
He replies: "Don't worry, teacher, I don't eat pork."
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Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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Kind of surprised hipsters haven't started tying their beard's in man buns yet.
I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words.
"I quit," he says.
"That's not surprising," the elders say.
"You've done nothing but complain since you got here."