Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.
Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die? A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King was know as Burger Prince.
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf? A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
Q: You know what would make America great again? A: If we kept the Mexicans and deported the hipsters.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
Why It Sucks to Be an Egg... You only get laid once, you only get hard once, and when you DO finally get hard, it takes under three minutes and you're already in hot water.