The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp. The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom. "First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is." "Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate." "Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."
You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
"Yo momma so stupid she steals free bread!"
Just had an argument with the manager in McDonald's. What a clown!
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. ‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’ Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Yo mammas so fat they had to make a new number.
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."