Joke #11514

The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp. The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom. "First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is." "Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate." "Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."

Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss "Certainly not!" Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."

Yo mamma so ugly that her birth certificate came with an apology letter from the condom factory.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.

Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you how."

Yo mama so fat, her ID pic had to be taken in panoramic mode.