The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
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A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp.
The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom.
"First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is."
"Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate."
"Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."
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Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
Don't stand around doing nothing.
People will think you're the boss.
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I just recently discovered that there is a national holiday named after Atheism. April FOOLS day. Like this story in the name of Jesus.
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Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness.
So instead of raises, he gives us Prozac.
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I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment."
I said, "I don't get it."
He said, "That's right."
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Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.