Joke #11514

The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
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has 77.51 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: christian, insulting, management

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Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: doctor, insulting, management, office, stupid
A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp. The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom. "First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is." "Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate." "Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: graduation, insulting, management, work
You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: age, christian, insulting, school
Jesus walks into an inn and hands the innkeeper 3 nails and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: bar, christian, religious
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, " ;because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... The ass hole is usually in charge.
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has 83.60 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, life, management, work
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a "manager". The questions are not that difficult. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal doesn't attend? Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities. 4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it? Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four-year-old.
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, management, memory, work
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
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has 45.85 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, jewish, mean
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life, management, money, wife
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy f*ck we can't fix that.''
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has 60.57 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so nasty, it sounds like Velcro when she takes her panties off.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama