I really do have a soft spot for my MIL.
It's out in the garden behind the garage.
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Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"?
A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
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A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her.
He called his mother to share his good news with her.
He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee.
When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one.
He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.
She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead."
"How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired.
She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast?
A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
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When we moved to the US I was 8 years old.
I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance?
When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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Toilets are like mothers-in-law:
the farther away the better.
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A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
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A black african man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "That's pretty nice where did you get it?"
"Africa" the parrot responds.
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There once was a gal named Lewinsky,
Who played music like a Stravinsky.
"Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef.
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that goo off of your chinsky."
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown.
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better.
Than a bomb in a letter.
Given the choice of how to be blown.