I really do have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.
Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election. So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation. "Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said. A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed." The others also agree and start to make plans. So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?" "We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply. The maid shrugs tentatively. "Why do you react like that?" "What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Hitler".
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America. Shamu: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America? Ramu: Shamu!
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A: Two mothers-in-law.