Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs!
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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a Camel's arse?
A: An Arab mechanic.
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, 1 to change the bulb and 9 to share the experience.
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A blonde meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blonde replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic?
A: Snap-on tools!
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, the sockets go with the house.
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What did the light bulb say to the switch?
You turn me on.
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A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop.
The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour.
The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works.
He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face.
He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car.
The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal."
"Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."