Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs!
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Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.
Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova' here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car.
Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?"
Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. "Try doing it with the engine running."
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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A blonde buys a used sports car.
However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop.
The blonde calls a tow truck.
The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
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How many blonde does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3. One to hold the lightbulb and two to turn the ladder.
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A guy walks into an auto shop and says, "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA."
The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway.
She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.
After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex?
A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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