Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
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Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy."
Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep.
I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any.
Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s.
I tried.
But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.
What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Basketball
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.
The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Yo' Mama is so flat, pirates can't wait to get their hands her a sunken chest.
Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.
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Q: How did the pirate get through School?
A: By sailing on high C's.
A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group.
When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple.
The group looked at it and started laughing.
The inventor said, "You don't understand! Taste it."
A volunteer tried it and said, "Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches."
The inventor said, "Flip it over."
He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes."
The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said, "What does it taste like?"
"Pussy," said the inventor.
The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like ass!"
The inventor winked and said, "Flip it over."