My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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Friend 1: "I like my women how I like my milk."
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Joke has 52.81 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, friendship, white people, wife
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar.
"Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?"
"Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
"A pair of slippers and a dildo?"
"Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.
Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
Crocodiles are easy.
They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder.
Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
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