You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
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Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.
Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Wanna know Victoria's Secret?
She has a penis.
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.
He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
An old lady went to visit her dentist.
When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs.
The dentist said: "Excuse me; I 'm not a gynecologist."
"I know," said the old lady "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."