You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
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Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Vote:
A girl married with a man who had only one foot.
Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?"
Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!"
Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed.
He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!"
With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!"
Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!"
The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Q: What is a difference between Ooooh and Aaaah?
A: Only 3 inches.
Vote:
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."