You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
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Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end.
A toothbrush with toothpaste
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.
‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.
The mother replies, ‘I don’t know.
Surprise me.’
There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties.
Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb.
There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb.
So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb.
Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?"
The boy looks back and says "who? me?"
The man says "yes."
The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker."
The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker."
The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving down the road."
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says, "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says, "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" she looks at him, "BUT, they are sperm samples?"
"DO IT!"
So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well," so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey its not that hard."
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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