Joke #11635

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
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'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
Vote: has 74.72 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No. The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot Chuck.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Vote: has 49.93 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
Vote: has 81.77 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
Vote: has 86.24 % from 2175 votes. Send joke:

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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'"
Vote: has 85.19 % from 959 votes. Send joke:

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Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom - where else?!"
Vote: has 61.59 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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