I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
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'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
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Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?"
"What"
"We're both ugly!"
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables.
The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"
"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"
"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!