Joke #11635

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."

Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!

Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!

A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store. He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it. So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir." "How can I help you" the employee replies. "Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?" The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.

Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."

My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!

My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.

I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...