I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?" Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!" Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.” Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too." Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?" Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man. This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
Man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his p*nis. Lady asks, "What are you?" He says, "I'm a fireman." "But you're only wearing a glass jar," says the woman. He says, "Exactly, in an emergency, break glass." Pull knob and I'll cum as fast as I can!"
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.