Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Similar jokes
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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
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Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
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My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.
“A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”
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