Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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Similar jokes
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Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
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I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
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My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
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5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
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A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded.
One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
A lot of bites.
A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
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Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely?
A: Playing Frisbee.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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