You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
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Q: Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less?
A: They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
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Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?
A: At least two!
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You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
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Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal?
A: Due.
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After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge.
As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed.
Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!"
A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!"
I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."
John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
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I kind a feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
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Crocodiles are easy.
They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder.
Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
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None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
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