Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall?
A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.
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A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant?
A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
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The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sex with an elephant!"
"You did?
But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."
Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation.
Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line.
Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked, "Are you still there?"
"Yeah, still here," said the man.
"Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected."
"No," the man said, "that would sound more like this."
He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.
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God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
How do you know you have a great CPA?
He has a tax loophole named after him.
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A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.
"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?" retorted the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.