My girlfriend is like February 30th, she doesn't exist.
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: "What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?" "Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone.
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, it took her an hour to cook instant rice.
Yo Mama's so stupid because it too her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!