Joke #11811

When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, friendship, mean

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Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here." "But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog." The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says. "A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
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has 84.37 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dog, food, friendship, health, time
Three couples are having a picnic. One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey." The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar." Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
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has 79.57 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, mean, men, vulgar
It can buy a House But not a Home It can buy a Bed But not Sleep It can buy a Clock But not Time It can buy you a Book But not Knowledge It can buy you a Position But not Respect It can buy you Medicine But not Health It can buy you Blood But not Life So you see, Money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want totake away your pain and suffering... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. A more true Friend you will never find.
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has 77.79 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, money, poems
Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!" Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry. Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, marriage, mean, sex
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, ugly, Yo mama
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: car, customer service, food, mean, time
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, Valentines day, wife, work