Joke #11835

Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...
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Three statisticians are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left. The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right. The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
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A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
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Q:What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work. The philosopher can do without the trash bin.
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What is the shortest mathematicians joke? Let epsilon be smaller than zero.
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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians" "Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?" "Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!" "Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?" "Geeze! How'd you know that?" "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
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Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
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