What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
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A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "Woman without her man is nothing."
The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife.
See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation!
So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man?
No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!
How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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