What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
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Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Genie: I will grant you two wishes.
Guy: two? It's always three, right?
Genie: look at your crotch.
Guy: Damn, that's a huge dick that I have now.
Genie: I've been doing this for centuries. I know my business.
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?"
"No, my dog doesn't bite."
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously.
A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
Vote:
There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured.
First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger.
So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000.
The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000.
The third guy goes measure from the tip of my penis to the back of my balls.
They say OK drop your pants, so he does and they measure.
"You have no balls" they say.
"Yes I do," he replies, "they're still in Vietnam.
A widowed elderly lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, FL.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, and noticing that his book was about veterinary medicine, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to hers, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
What's the biggest difference between men and women ?
Men are crabby all month long.
"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman.
Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.