Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
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Question: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"
What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Warning ladies!
Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY".
This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".
A man sits on a bus looking ashamed.
The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong.
He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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