Joke #11881

Q: What are the hottest days during summer? A: Sun-days
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McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?" Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
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The climate requires Chuck's permission to change.
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Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
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Lightening is too slow to strike Chuck Norris.
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Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!
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What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
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As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system: "If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."
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Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall. This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.
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Chuck Norris can stand the rain...
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Yo Momma's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."
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