Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes. Who survives?
America.
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Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp.
"This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes.
"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now."
He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish.
"I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible."
Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish.
"I wish I'd never have to work again."
Instantly, he was back in his government office.
The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt?
A: A tea party.
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
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Well goodnight everyone.
I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!
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