Joke #11890

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America.

The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?

An Indian and an African walk into a bar... Just jokin'. It's just two liberal white women.

Q: What is a Democratic Free Market? A: One that hands out slices of cheese.

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian history, so Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped. The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. Australia's smartest woman took my schoolbag."

Yo mamma so stupid she thought Donald trump was a trumpit.

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.

A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency? He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?