Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes. Who survives?
America.
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Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.
They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
Yo mama so fat even Donald Trump can't make as big of a wall as her.
Q: If Hitler would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with?
A: A dickhatership!
A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
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George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them.
George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon".
Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
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Hillary Clinton isn't taking the loss very well.
So I said to her, Cheer up!
At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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Yo mama is so fat Donald Trump used her as the wall.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt?
A: A tea party.