Joke #11906

Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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has 82.95 % from 388 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, men, time

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When a woman gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 sound system, he's called a pervert.
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has 84.09 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, men, women
While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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has 83.85 % from 885 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, women
God said to Adam, "I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a p***s. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"
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has 83.70 % from 1371 votes. More jokes about: god, men, sex, time
Three men were walking along in the forest when they were captured by a group of cannibals. The king of the cannibals gives the three men a challenge "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you." The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge. "You most go in to the forest and pick out 10 of any fruit you find, bring those fruits back here" the king says. The three men head out in search of their fruit. The first man comes back with 10 apples in his hands, happy as can be. The king then says "You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound." The man reluctantly agrees to try. He gets the first one up without a sound, but screams in agony on the second and is killed and eaten. The second man comes back with 10 grapes in his hand. Again the king states the challenge. The 10 fruit up the ass, without any sound. This is going to be easy he thinks. He gets through the first 9 without a single sound. Just as he is about to shove the 10th grape up he bursts out in laughter. He is killed immediately. The second guy still laughing meets the first guy up in heaven. The first guy says, "What's so funny? You could have still been alive!" He replies "I saw our buddy coming back with 10 pineapples and a huge smile."
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has 83.08 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: death, food, men, time
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 83.06 % from 641 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, masturbation
Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
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has 80.89 % from 328 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
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has 80.84 % from 413 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, food, masturbation
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 80.82 % from 401 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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has 80.80 % from 257 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, masturbation, men
Boy: My magic watch says that you don't have any underwear on. Girl: Well its wrong... Boy: Guess my watch is 15 minutes fast
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has 80.71 % from 472 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time