Joke #8491

Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
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has 80.51 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation

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While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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has 82.45 % from 495 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, men, time
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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has 82.01 % from 312 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, masturbation, men
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 81.50 % from 754 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, masturbation
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 80.81 % from 452 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
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has 80.30 % from 462 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, food, masturbation
Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.
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has 77.08 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"
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has 76.98 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: dirty, marriage, masturbation
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
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has 75.98 % from 323 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, masturbation, money, sex
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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has 74.18 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: dirty, game, masturbation, sex