Joke #8491

Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
Vote: has 79.69 % from 204 votes. Send joke:

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While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
Vote: has 84.89 % from 497 votes. Send joke:

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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
Vote: has 84.23 % from 392 votes. Send joke:

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A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
Vote: has 84.07 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
Vote: has 83.59 % from 254 votes. Send joke:

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A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
Vote: has 81.63 % from 269 votes. Send joke:

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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.
Vote: has 80.60 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

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Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
Vote: has 80.50 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

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"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"
Vote: has 78.44 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

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Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

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An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
Vote: has 76.14 % from 182 votes. Send joke:

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