Joke #740

Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 82.46 % from 735 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, masturbation

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Two kids were talking together. First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands." Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?" First: "Yes, of course." Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
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has 84.96 % from 1029 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, dad, dirty, kids
While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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has 84.32 % from 939 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, women
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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has 83.65 % from 452 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, men, time
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!
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has 82.77 % from 5477 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, love, sex, Thanksgiving
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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has 82.61 % from 919 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out.
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has 82.60 % from 2405 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, gay
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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has 81.68 % from 288 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, masturbation, men
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
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has 81.45 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 81.18 % from 438 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 80.34 % from 518 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty, kids