Q: What's an actuary?
A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.
"Was he tall or was he short?"
The businessman replies, "Both!"
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Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant?
A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
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It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: When do accountants laugh out loud?
A: When somebody asks for a raise.
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Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
A: Invite an accountant.
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Q: Why do economists exist?
A: So accountants have someone to laugh at.
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Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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