Joke #11943

Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: accountant

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Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, tax
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: accountant, death, travel
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, husband, kids, wife
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: accountant, office, party
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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has 81.72 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax, work
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
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has 79.99 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: accountant, IT, technology, work
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: accountant, management, money
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don’t know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn’t know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well... what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says…go to hell... that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger."
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has 78.23 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer, money