Joke #11943

Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: accountant

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A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: accountant, death, travel
An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
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has 81.40 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: accountant, work
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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has 78.59 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: accountant, life
Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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has 63.67 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math, nerd
Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant? A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: accountant, tax, work
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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has 64.34 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: accountant, doctor, geography, mean
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
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has 79.99 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: accountant, time
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, communication, tax
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, husband, kids, wife