Q: What's an actuary?
A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant?
A: He's had a loophole named after him.
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An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp.
He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears.
The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one."
Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual.
He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East."
The genie strokes his beard and looks worried.
"Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish."
The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?"
There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
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Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft?
A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
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Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
A: Lazy.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job?
A: Bob.
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Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
An auditor.
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