Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
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Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement?
A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
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What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.
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When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
It's 4:04.
Do you know where your auditor is?
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Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: The accountant knows he's boring.
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Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast?
A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
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Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
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A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn.
He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?"
The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
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