Joke #11983

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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has 84.15 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, IT, technology
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
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If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
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has 82.51 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, IT
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
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has 82.43 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: coding, IT, money, programmer
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
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has 81.84 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, geek, IT, programmer
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.
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has 81.59 % from 442 votes. More jokes about: family, geek, IT, kids
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever. Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option." "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!" "That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it!" "What about the PC?" "It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys," "Which three?" "Control, Alt and Delete."
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has 81.54 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: computer, geek, IT, life, vulgar
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
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has 81.23 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: computer, geek, IT, time
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
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has 79.84 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, programmer, work
Two geeks are talking over lunch. The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' … So I took the bike" The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
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has 79.63 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT