If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"? A: They want to watch their asses.
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend". "Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"? After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer? A: Chelsea.
Boy: "Do you like parties?" Girl: "Yes, why?" Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"