Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies? A: A baseball team.
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing. But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet? It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
Q: What do you get if you cross a football team with a flower center? A: Nottingham forest.
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."