Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it may take up to seven years!
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Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
"So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "
I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze.
"Anything?"
Anything."
His voice softens.
"Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper.
"Would you...study?"
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
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Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs!
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On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100.
Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200.
Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?"
But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
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Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night?
A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
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A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his student.
"And who is known as the father of modern economics?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Wilson, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied.
"I never pay attention anyway!"