Joke #12296

A man in a balaclava with a gun asked, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?" "Neither, I'm a Jew." "But are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"
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has 39.74 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: catholic, jewish, religious

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Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100." The one says to the other, "should we do it?" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it?"
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has 77.54 % from 481 votes. More jokes about: catholic, church, jewish, money, racist
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
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has 66.27 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
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has 66.17 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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has 65.28 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: black humor, catholic, religious, time
Why did satan die before judgment day, Chuck hated him.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, religious
Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear. On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: catholic, Chuck Norris
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 72.55 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
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has 72.64 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: college, religious, terrorist, time
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.
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has 86.06 % from 9295 votes. More jokes about: god, little Johnny, religious, teacher