The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear. On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?" "No" her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes" the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
Yo mama so fat people used her as a tramp.
Chuck Norris acting contracts are if the movie producer want Chuck Norris to act in his movie, the producer is roundhouse kicked.
Chuck Norris doesn't think he's better than everyone, everyone thinks Chuck Norris is better than them.
My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.
Q: What animal could Noah not trust? A: Cheetah.
Q: Who were the first two black women? A: Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker!