Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
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Q: How many Asian girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, 'cause they couldn't reach it.
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Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?"
Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied.
"Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey.
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.
When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.
"If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun.
Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity.
The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
I was walking through the cemetery the other day when a thought crossed my mind.
Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I couldn't resist it.
I texted my ex saying 'wish you were here'.
Yo mama so ugly that her mom only fed her with a sling shot.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
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