Joke #12454

The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

What is the difference between pressure, anxiety and panic attacks? You have pressure when your wife is pregnant. You are anxious when your girlfriend is pregnant. You have panic attacks when both of them are pregnant!

Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"

A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"

Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...

Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".

What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.

You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me." Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other, "If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck." "Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee." His friend agreed that was bad luck. The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off." "My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?" "Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye." "My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out?" "No, that was the first day I had my hook."