Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind? The dashboard.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors? A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.