Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind? The dashboard.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors? A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.