Q: What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a salad?
A: The salad is dressed.
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Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.
Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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Chuck Norris ate once at Hard Rock Cafe.
It's now called Shakey's.
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If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled.
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do.
A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne.
A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, "Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
"Well," she replied, "since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions."
"What? How could you?"
"Let me tell you about it," she said. "The first time was back when we were first married.
You needed open heart surgery and we didn't have the money, so I went to bed with the surgeon and got him to operate for free."
"Gee! That was noble of you. And, besides, I guess I should be grateful.
But, tell me, what about the second time?"
"Do you remember that you wanted the position of the, and they were going to pass you over for someone else? Well, I went to bed with the President and the Vice President and they gave you the job."
"Hell, I think I could have done it on my own.
But, then again, I guess I should be grateful.
And so, what about the third time?"
"Do you remember two years ago when you wanted to become President of the Baseball Team, and you were missing 53 votes...?"
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I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?"
I said "Because he didn't die in real life"