Joke #12893

Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? " Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."

Yo mama is so fake even China denied that they made her.

Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?". I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.

Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."

Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.

Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."

I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.

KFC in Asia? Korean fried cat.

My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.