Joke #11551

How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long.

Yo mama breath stanks so bad, instead of using baking soda, it smells like she uses baking ass!

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!

Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.

What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!

Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise." Poof! She's gone. "Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Q: Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors? A: So they can see the battlefield.

A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."

"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"