How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones?
The punchlines are too long.
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The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
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Not even Houdini can escape from Chuck Norris.
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My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry.
So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
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Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.
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There appeared suddenly a crowd of many people in the street, because they caught a thief, who has stolen 500 euros from the grocery.
They wanted to beat him up, but Johny stayed still and told the people:
"who is without guilt, may throw a stone at this thief!"
Nobody wanted to throw a stone at this thief, becuase nobody was without guilt.
Suddenly one stone has hit this thief directly into his forehead and he has fallen down to the ground.
Johny asked: "who was it? Who was it?"
The Heaven has opened and the oldest archangel has s aid: "it was me!"
My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?".
I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.
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Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
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Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go."
Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it.
So his two body guards run out to find out who it was.
Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news."
"What is the bad news?" asked Bill.
"Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore."
"Whats the worst news?" asked Bill.
"The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"
Workplaces are like septic tanks: All the biggest lumps eventually rise to the top.
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