Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? A: Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say: "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas."
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years. An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog. After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."