Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
Algorithm. Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.