Joke #1300

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk? "I set WHO free?"
Vote:
has 57.53 % from 229 votes. More jokes about: black people, drunk

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What does it mean when a nigger climbs up into a tree? A nigger less on the earth. But when two niggers climb up into a tree? Two niggers less on the earth. But when tree niggers climb up into a tree? The branch breaks!
Vote:
has 16.73 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: black people
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Vote:
has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, drunk, men
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Vote:
has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, drunk
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”
Vote:
has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, money, wife
Drunk guy gets pulled over. Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him. The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence." So the drunk man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, drunk
Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
Vote:
has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: drunk, wine
Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
Vote:
has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drunk
Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill? A: Backed up sewage.
Vote:
has 31.54 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: black people, communication, racist
A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Vote:
has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, drunk, wife
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
Vote:
has 75.62 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean