What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk? "I set WHO free?"
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died? A: A black widow.
Q: What does pontiac stand for? A: Poor old nigger thinks its a cadillac.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you heard Juan you've heard Jamal.
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Yo Momma's so ugly, she has to get her vibrator drunk!
A man was in a bar one evening, when a drunk wandered over, shouting at the man "I pulled your mum just now!" the sober man just ignored him and carried on drinking. About half an hour later the drunk wandered over again. This time he said: "Your mum just gave me a BJ and swallowed" again the man ignored and carried on talking to his mates. Soon the very drunk man wandered over and shouted at the poor man: "I just fucked your mum, using every posistion possible." Eventally the man bored of this idiot, turned around and said "Go home dad, you're drunk."
What do you get when you mix a nigger and an octopus? I don't know, but it picks the hell out of cotton
Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college? A: A Basketball player.
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"