Joke #1300

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk? "I set WHO free?"

The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"

I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

What do you get when you mix a nigger and an octopus? I don't know, but it picks the hell out of cotton

Q: Did you hear about the new black breakfast cereal? A: It's called "Nuttin' Bitch!"

You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

A nigger was walking in the jungle when he saw a sexy woman that was fighting for her life with a giant snake. The Nigger quickly jumps and kills the snake. The woman says to him: You saved me! I am I magic fairy and I can grand you any wish. I would like you to make me white and put me between your legs. Then, the fairy made him into cotton wall tampon...

What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.

There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. "I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!" Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"