Joke #9688

Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drunk

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Chuck Norris doesn't get drunk. He simply lowers his IQ to yours.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drunk
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
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has 61.10 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drunk, husband, marriage, women
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. "I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!" Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, drunk
Wanna know how Chuck Norris grew his beard? He didn't, his beard grew him.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting, drunk, wine, women
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: business, car, death, drunk, lawyer
Chuck Norris can run a nuclear power station using a rowing machine.
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
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has 77.37 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: dad, drunk, family, Halloween, mean
Chuck Norris once ran on the treadmil. It couldn't keep up.
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has 76.86 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can copy and paste on a typewriter.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris