Joke #9688

Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
Vote:
has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drunk

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Chuck Norris doesn't get drunk. He simply lowers his IQ to yours.
Vote:
has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drunk
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Vote:
has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog, drunk
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Vote:
has 42.26 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Vote:
has 72.35 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, money, wife
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car, drunk
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when she was pulled over for drunk driving and asked to walk a line, she said, "Which one?"
Vote:
has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, stupid, Yo mama
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
Vote:
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, heaven
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
Vote:
has 83.28 % from 303 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, drunk, health
Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting.
Vote:
has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game
Yo Momma's so ugly, she has to get her vibrator drunk!
Vote:
has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: drunk, insulting, ugly, Yo mama