Joke #9688

Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
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Chuck Norris doesn't get drunk. He simply lowers his IQ to yours.
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The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. "Do you realize what time it is?" she asked. He answered, "Dont get excited. Im late because I bought something for the house." Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?" His answer was, "A round of drinks!"
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A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. A mile down the road, he's stopped by a police officer. The officer walked up to the driver's side window holding a Breathalyzer and said: "Good evening sir. We're testing for drunk driving. Would you please blow into this machine?" The man says: "Sorry officer, but I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow in that machine, I will get out of air." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample", said the officer. "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright... then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line." "I can't do that either, officer." The officer was getting irritated... "And why not?" "Because I'm dead drunk."
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Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
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How do you know when a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.
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Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
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Chuck Norris leaves potholes when he jogs.
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Cavemen didn't invent fire Chuck Norris mearly clicked his fingers and gave it to them.
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Chuck Norris' keyboad has no delete key. Chuck Norris never makes a mistake!
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Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck. There can only be 1 living legend.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, easter, life, Santa