I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?"
"Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones?
The punchlines are too long.
Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy?
A: The Same!
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet.
Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you."
Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!"
Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
Nothing.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"
And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."
Vote:
My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fat."
"You're much bigger than that."
Vote: