I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
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Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Yo mama's so stupid when she cries for help she says "come here please".
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A rabbi and a priest crash into each other at a four-way junction.
They both get out of their cars and look at the wreck.
They both thank God they are OK, and the priest says, ‘This must be a sign that God wanted us to meet.’
The rabbi says, ‘Yes, indeed, let’s drink.’
So the rabbi gets out some wine.
They toast each other and the priest drinks his glass.
But the rabbi doesn’t take a taste of his drink.
Priest: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’
Rabbi: ‘I’m waiting for the police.’
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me.
She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position.
I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy.
He agreed with me.
I got upset that he agreed.
I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
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If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
French Army rifles for sale – never fired and only dropped once!
Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
Q: How many Asian girls does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, 'cause they couldn't reach it.
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