I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
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Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
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The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!
"Wow, look at that! Isn't it beautiful? Let's destroy it."
-People
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.
Once, a man asked how much a record cost.
My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."
French Army rifles for sale – never fired and only dropped once!
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history.
At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
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