I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Mum: "How would you describe me?" Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK" Mum: "What does that mean?" Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent." Mum: "What about JK?" Dad: "Just Kidding."
Yo mama breath stanks so bad, instead of using baking soda, it smells like she uses baking ass!
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position. I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy. He agreed with me. I got upset that he agreed. I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride. The woman thanked her and got in the car. After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag. The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.