Joke #13039

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall? A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd! Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall? A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up!

An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!" Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"

What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge? Cool music.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Chuck Norris can go Platinum on a Blank CD.

What's lil Wayne's favorite kind of pizza? Little Seizures. What? To soon?

Chuck Norris once stood on a bridge in London. Then they wrote a song about it.

If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get? "Beeflt!"

Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.

A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said: "Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.