Q: What sports team is the least safe around children?
A: The Nashville Predators.
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Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is.
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Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
Chuck Norris had six kids, they were called SEAL TEAM 6.
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Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Did you hear about the baby who swallowed a pin?
It was OK.
It was a safety pin.
You know when donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?
That's what it's like having kids.
A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday.
She opened it up and it was a tea pot.
She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you."
The boy said "That's good."
Mum said "However I already have a tea pot."
The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."