Q: What sports team is the least safe around children?
A: The Nashville Predators.
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Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is.
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Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant?
Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
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He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
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Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
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