Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music!
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On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
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I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.
Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter.
He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."
The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *poof!* she’s gone.
The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *poof!* she’s gone.
The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed.
"Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
Chuck Norris once stood on a bridge in London.
Then they wrote a song about it.
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Yo mama so ugly that she doesn't need a costume for Halloween.
Q: Why couldn't the witch have children?
A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Darth Vader wears a Chuck Norris mask for Halloween.
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