Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music!
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Chuck Norris can keep up with the Kardashians.
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Sign at a gay nudist colony: "Gentlemen playing leapfrog are requested to complete their leaps!"
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you."
The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic!
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house?
The whole vibe was anything ghost.
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.
Once, a man asked how much a record cost.
My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?"
Me: "Drunk"
Son: "What's mom gonna be?"
Me: "Mad"
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.
The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.