Joke #13162

Yo mama's so fat when she stepped on a scale it said: "A.B.C.D.E.F.G get your fat ass off of me."
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has 76.73 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, insulting, vulgar, Yo mama

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The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."
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has 83.36 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: age, church, communication, time, vulgar
A lady goes to the doctor, and says: "Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?" The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first." So the lady takes her clothes off. Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back." A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it. The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?" And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."
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has 82.86 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, doctor, insulting, women
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
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has 82.69 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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has 82.36 % from 7534 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mamma so ugly even Bob the Builder said, "We cant fix it."
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has 82.32 % from 5316 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Yo Mamas so stupid she was yelling into the mailbox. We ask her whats she doing and she said, she was sending a voice-mail.
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has 82.29 % from 7608 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
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has 82.29 % from 6662 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo momma so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
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has 82.25 % from 5358 votes. More jokes about: insulting, stupid, Yo mama
During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide. Teacher tries to make a joke: "Johnny, don't swallow me." He replies: "Don't worry, teacher, I don't eat pork."
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has 82.00 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, little Johnny, teacher, vulgar
Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back.
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has 81.87 % from 7279 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, Yo mama