Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!
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What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Gmail: Someone has signed into your account!
Me: Yeah that was me
Gmail: No it was on another device!
Me: Yes my tablet
Gmail: Someone stole your tablet?!
Me: What? No!
Gmail: Call the police
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
When you have a question you check with Google.
When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!
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A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored.
The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers."
The retard says ," OK ".
When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling.
He goes over and starts beating their asses.
He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer.
He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?"
The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
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Q: What do builders use to make websites?
A: Com.crete.
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An aircraft is flying when all over sudden a bird crashes through the cockpit and kills both the pilot and co pilot.
Having heard the crash a blonde flight attendant rushes in to find out what happened.
Once inside the cockpit the plane jerks and the cabin door slams shut and can't be opened.
So she pulls the captain out of his seat and sits down, taking the radio into her hands and says,
"May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! The pilots are dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!"
"I'm 5'4 and in the front seat of the plane."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio. "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven..."
Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter.
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Q: What's brown and white and flies all over?
A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chainsaw!
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The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation.
It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company.
The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive.
I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy.
I wish well to myself.