Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!
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What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
A: Bronchitis.
The Boyfriend says to his blonde girlfriend, "Look!
A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up in the sky and says "Where?"
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fat bird in my car?"
Q: What's brown and white and flies all over?
A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chainsaw!
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What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer's and diarrhea. You're running, but can't remember where.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
AIDS Can't Kill Chuck Norris.
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Q: What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe?
A: An e-mergency.
A little bird was flying south for the Winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
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