Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!
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What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary.
He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet.
He opens the freezer door.
The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness."
The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"
Breaking news: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 23 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page?
A: On the world wide web.
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One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone.
Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
The Teacher asked Little Johnny,
"How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"
Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."
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My late grandfather always told me:
"When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."
The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!