Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!
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What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!
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There are two cows in a field.
One says to the other:
"So what do you think of mad cow disease?"
The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!
Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone.
Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
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Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
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