Joke #13292

Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: age, Christmas, time, Yo mama

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A blonde calls her mom... Blonde: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!" Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?" Blonde: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
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has 85.58 % from 859 votes. More jokes about: age, blonde, time
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."
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has 83.36 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: age, church, communication, time, vulgar
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
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has 81.50 % from 5134 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, college, Santa, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
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has 81.50 % from 3656 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
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has 81.01 % from 835 votes. More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish. The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband. Shazam! Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc. The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger. Shazam! Instantly he turned 93 years old.
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has 79.36 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: age, anniversary, genie, time, travel
At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, music, time, wine, work
A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."
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has 78.59 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: age, life, time
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
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has 78.22 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, time, ugly, Yo mama
An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: accountant, age, death, heaven, time