Joke #13292

Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
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A blonde calls her mom... Blonde: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!" Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?" Blonde: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Vote: has 85.48 % from 853 votes. Send joke:
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At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
Vote: has 82.31 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
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Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
Vote: has 81.72 % from 798 votes. Send joke:
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A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish. The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband. Shazam! Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc. The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger. Shazam! Instantly he turned 93 years old.
Vote: has 81.58 % from 93 votes. Send joke:
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Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Vote: has 81.49 % from 3610 votes. Send joke:
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Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Vote: has 81.42 % from 5057 votes. Send joke:
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The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."
Vote: has 80.44 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
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Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out." "Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible". The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."
Vote: has 77.84 % from 400 votes. Send joke:
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Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
Vote: has 77.74 % from 620 votes. Send joke:
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Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
Vote: has 77.64 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
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