Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner.
Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck.
The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up.
Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in.
"Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
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I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
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After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of the coded message, 370HSSV-0773H.
Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry.
Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.
Within a few seconds, the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."
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Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!"
Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."
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Joke has 80.13 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, vulgar
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café.
They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's.
"What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter.
"Apple," he said.
"Then why is it called Herman's pie?"
"Because Herman called in to reserve it."
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Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
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Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"
"No, I'm still alive."
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One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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George W. Bush and Bill Clinton both decided to have biographies written about them.
George called him "The Three Most Powerful Men - Bush, Dick, and Colon".
Bill called his "Sex Between the Bushes"
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