Joke #13343

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Vote:
has 31.93 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geography, technology, time

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Vote:
has 83.45 % from 915 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
Once chuck norris and time had race. Result: The time is still running.
Vote:
has 83.31 % from 773 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again. Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you. Regards, Alan. THE ACTIONS Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbor head. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbor: THE SECOND MESSAGE Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out anyway, that you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'. Technology hey? Regards, Alan.
Vote:
has 82.83 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, technology, time, wife
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Vote:
has 82.19 % from 615 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, technology
One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says: "Man, oh man! Is that good!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies: "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says: "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks: "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?" With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs: "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got a laptop?"
Vote:
has 81.91 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: blonde, desert island, technology, time
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Vote:
has 81.55 % from 346 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, technology
Night time... when Chuck Norris tells the sun it's time for bed.
Vote:
has 78.45 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Vote:
has 78.04 % from 374 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time, travel
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
Vote:
has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Vote:
has 76.61 % from 290 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time